Three Questions
by Ninja Chan
Summary: I never really thought I'd like the guy that way. There are so many questions that I've got that have no answers. Damn it, I hate being confused. HaseoxEndrance one shot.


Alright, so it's the second time around that I have posted this. There were many problems with the first version, so I thought it would be best to get it fixed.  
I shall post information regarding Naruto: The New Chronicles sequal series upon my bio, by the way!

So, here is a little one shot to let you guys know I'm still alive! It's shonen ai. Don't like it, don't read it. Simple as that, my friends. Don't complain to me in the reviews, because I'll ignore people who find it funny to taunt yaoi pairings.  
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Series:** .hack/G.U.  
**Pairing:** HaseoxEndrance or RyouxKaoru  
**Rating:** T for sexual themes and much, much cursing by our little Haseo.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything relating to .hack/. I'm sure that's pretty obvious.

**Beta'd by the awesome Raburetta!**

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_Three Questions:_

It's stupid. Hell, I even laugh at myself half the time the fact just runs through my head. You know those typical questions, right?

What?

How?

Why?

Those kind of questions. You know, the ones that basically have either a crappy answer that doesn't make sense, or the ones that don't have an answer at all. The first one has an answer, a definite one, too.

But it's not a 'what', it's a 'who'.

His name is Kaoru, but his username is Endrance. He plays the same online game as I do. Nice name, isn't it? And I bet you're laughing your ass off because I met him online. I'm not Myspace whore, okay? Keep that pathetic junk to yourself.

Anyways, yeah. The 'how' can be answered just fine, too.

I met him online. It's a game, an MMO called "The World", and I got into it when a friend suggested it to me. I just thought it'd be better to level up and play some game with fighting, rather than spending the entire day watching those crappy reality shows and new anime.

I had no intentions on finding someone that I cared about on there, had no need to find someone to actually fall in love with. My parents were always telling me to avoid being online, too. They would just keep saying how some creep could find out my exact location, my name, my private information, and take advantage of it. I thought it was a load of bull crap, so I went online anyways. I'd spend practically twelve hours of my day just sitting in front of the computer. Still do it now, I can't keep away.

Want to know what's funny? My parents were sort of right. I mean, not about the whole fact that I could be taken advantage of. I wasn't stupid enough to give out all of my information. All I did was tell him I was seventeen and a sophomore in high school. Harmless.

But I sure as hell met a creep. Not a full creep or stalker, he says he's "psychologically similar". I'll be honest; after I found that out, I stopped talking to him for a good week or two. Then I got this sappy kind of feeling in my gut where I was guilty about just ignoring him for something he said.

I kept talking to him. Sent him messages on "The World" and emailed him. We had normal conversations, and a few weird ones. I'd be reminded how he really was similar to some stalker-like creep.

And it turns out, he fit the profile more than he described. The guy never left his room. Not once in a few years. How many was it? It was a few… maybe five or three, but I don't really care. Shoving yourself in a corner for how ever many years you want is stupid. Waste of time, why would you want that? Also, he hates food. Yeah, I'm serious. He hates food. Thinks meat smells like blood and just isn't interested in most foods in the first place.

…Excuse me?

Let's recap. He's "psychologically similar" to a stalker, locks himself up in his room, and hates food. The guy looked like a true hermit to me, and it made him seem like he was some sort of pushover. Again, I stopped talking to him.

Then I got that bad guilt, and started talking to him again. It was like I was some sort of magnet to him for whatever reason, and it irritated me to no end. _How_ the hell does that work?

See what I mean?

Once I started talking to him again, our conversations got more in-depth. I showed some concern after he told me that he barely ate. When he got that message, he started telling me that he was changing, that he was eating more at the dinner table with his mother, instead of sitting in his room and starving to death.

Oh yeah, he still lives with his mother. Forgot to mention that.

Did I mention he's twenty years old? Yeah. Twenty.

I'm seventeen years old, and practically live on my own. He never moved out.

Moving on. I'm going off of the subject. After I showed concern, he did something about it. Don't ask me how, I'm way ahead of you on that. I asked him as soon as he told me, and all he said was, "If it will make you smile and turn my way, Haseo, then it is worth the change."

I guess I was a little flattered when he told me that. It's normally not a big deal to read some sort of compliment in an email, because internet lacks feeling in words. You're never sure if the compliment is sarcasm. Sometimes a big 'LOL' is an indication of that, but you've still got no fucking clue.

But I took it seriously. The way that Kaoru talks… if you knew him like I do, you'd realize that sarcasm doesn't exist in his personality.

When I realized he would change for me, I decided to make more of my concerns known. And I don't even understand the reason I did that, but I did.

Our conversations kept getting more personal, and we were on a real name basis. That's when he told me his real name, and I told him mine. I don't trust people, but I managed to tell him that and the fact that I live in Tokyo, and I even told him what part. He lives in Kanagawa Prefecture, just in front of the beach. The possibility of us meeting wasn't that much of a stretch, he's just a train ride or two away.

This is where it gets odd… Because I actually felt like taking a train all the way down there and going to see him. Remember when I said he never went outside of his room? Well, I wanted that to change. The deal was that if I visited him, he'd leave his house and go out to the shopping district with me.

The time out itself wasn't bad, but I didn't pay much mind to what we were doing.

I was… kind of focused on Kaoru himself. He looks a lot lighter than 145 pounds, or whatever he told me… looks thinner than me, but he didn't look like his bones would rip out of his skin at any moment. His skin tone is pale, but that's because he never got sunlight. It doesn't look bad, though… And he's got blonde hair. Well, almost blonde. Blue eyes, too. Kaoru told me that he wasn't fully Japanese, that he's mixed.

How did I even find myself interested in that? I could have cared less, normally.

This is a long explanation… I hate talking. Where is all this coming from?

Anyways…

After that one day, I kind of made random visits after school. It wasn't like I had anything better to do besides log on to my computer and play until midnight. He'd get excited when I would call him to say I was on a train to get there. Hearing him happy… well, again, if you knew him, it would give you a good feeling that differed from the norm. Kaoru has problems, it's obvious. So when he's happy, it's a great thing.

One day a week turned into three days a week. Three days a week turned into every other day. Then it came to this point, where I see him every day. I go to his place every day after school, and spend my days off there, too.

Why the hell not? He's happy, and his mother seems to like me… so she's happy.

Sounds like a good thing, right?

So… why do I feel so confused about it? I can't decide how I feel about it at all, seriously.

Which brings us to that last, irritating question.

'Why'?

Those visits I made to Kaoru's house, at first, were just normal visits. I'd sit in their living room, watch television with him, and even stay for dinner. We'd look at stuff online, check out some online stores, watch music videos of bands that we liked. You know, friend stuff.

We'd go against each other in fighting games on his playstation2. He only won the first few times, and then I got a constant streak of victory. Then again… I think he let me win those other times. It was obvious, because he'd have this really soft kind of smile on his face after I'd brag and say some sort of smart remark from my win. I bet that if I asked, he'd say he just likes seeing me happy. When I laugh, so does he, and he gets that smile on his face.

I make him happy.

And apparently… he makes me happy.

When I realized that, the visits started getting more intimate. Like those emails did over time.

Only, we weren't really saying things… In fact, we stopped talking a lot when I came over, most days.

I'd come over. We'd do the usual. We would watch television, check things out online, go one-on-one in some Tekken game, and have dinner…

After a while, I ended up just spending the night there. It felt pointless to take a long-ass train ride back home all the time.

We'd stay up sometimes to see the sunrise, since he seemed to like it. See, I normally don't care for those things, but the Japanese sunrise over the beach is really amazing. You should check it out sometime. When I say something is amazing, it usually is. It takes a lot to catch my attention.

Yeah. That sunrise. I love watching it now. And it isn't as great from the window of my apartment, since it's blocked by buildings. No, it's amazing from Kaoru's window, right above the ocean. It turns out that neither of us really appreciated it until we started hanging out, though…

The both of us started appreciating it even more after that one certain night. It was right before summer break, during exam week. I told him that it would be my last day to come over until the break started, since I had studying to do. This sunrise would have to be enjoyed more, apparently. That's what Kaoru said. He wanted us to watch it and enjoy it more than we normally do.

My main assumption of that was us watching it until the sun was completely out, without going to sleep. But, no… It turned out much different.

I kind of just… looked at him during that sunrise. And he was looking at me. See, we didn't pay attention to the sun at all. The orange light seemed to have a really good effect on Kaoru, he looked… cute.

…Augh! Why did I say that? And why is my hair standing on end again?!

…

And why did I tell him? It's not like I'm gay or anything. I like girls.

Kaoru's just… different, I guess.

He was really shy about it, but I got that nice smile out of the compliment. I got a compliment from him, too, but he always compliments me. Kaoru said that my eyes looked beautiful in the light, and he even touched my face.

I thought I would back away, but I didn't. I did something else, actually.

That was my first kiss. Probably his, too. He hasn't told me. Strangely enough, I liked it. And I don't know why, either.

I liked it so much, that I refused to let go. I liked it so much, that I begged for more. At that point I understood why people held each other so tightly when they kissed. You feel like you're going to fall off the edge of the earth, because the floor seems to disappear from beneath you. And you're shaking so hard that you need to hold on tight before you make yourself collapse.

Why did I want to do it though?

Why did it feel so… amazing?

Why was it so addicting?

Here's the sad thing, I don't have an answer to any of those. I had complete answers to the other two questions, and the 'why' questions just keep piling up with no answers. '_Why_' leaves me with a headache every time I think about that word.

And the one 'why' question that makes my head want to explode is…

Why did I feel that insane urge to actually… you know (do I really need to say it?), to him? Again, I'm not gay. You probably don't believe me at all, but I'm not. If you call me a liar, then fuck off.

I may not be gay, and I may not know why, but I did.

That sunset was ignored.

I kissed him like crazy, and he responded exactly the way I wanted him to, without me asking. He hesitated every now and then, and so did I, but I think that's because we were both virgins.

God, I sound so stupid.

…You know what? I don't care. You've come this far to see just how I got myself into this situation, and I'm sure you want to finish it. You want me to get into the raunchy details, because this was the reason you started reading it right when you found out that I fell in love with a boy.

It wasn't so bad… And I loved every minute of it. Of course, I kind of had to top, but what kind of guy complains about that? He let me lead the way in whatever manner I felt appropriate, and I got to listen to how adorable his voice sounded when he would whisper my name with barely any breath left in him.

And those kisses. Damn it.

Why did I fall in love with him, of all people? Maybe he's just unique, interests me, or… maybe not…

See? I can't answer that fucking question at all.

_**...End...**_


End file.
